Boundaries

Nathan hosted a small get-together during our visit.  Between the laughter and hysterical stories Nathan and I had a moment to exchange stories about friends and boundaries. 

I think Nathan and I share our want to help people.  He and I shared stories about long time friends who don't respect our boundaries.  I found his story interesting as it mirrored my own.  We both have friends we try to help but who put us in difficult positions, asking us to place ourselves in financial or spiritual jeopardy and yet not understanding why we would say no. It was validating to hear him say that we have to do that, especially when our financial and spiritual well being is tied to our family's well being. I know a lot of people would agree with Nathan, but it's so hard when people you love don't understand. 

I realize people attract others who mirror themselves. I realize my long time friend reflects who I was many years ago.  What I wonder is does the fact that we don't see eye to eye on something as fundamental as personal boundaries mean that we've grown in different directions?

Amazing people

I took a break from my pots to visit a friend, Nathan, in Bloomington, Indiana. 

Sometimes I meet people who have it all together. Among those are Marva Jolly, Joyce Owens, Susan Gillespie, Nathan, and just recently Carol and her husband, Bill. Nathan introduced me to Carol and Bill and  I believe friends like these are a gift. They are people who feed your soul with their positive energy and their laughter.  

And while the after dinner conversation developed last night developed, I realized that if Chris and I can be like Carol and Bill when we retire, then we would truly be accomplished. Here is a couple who has traveled, learned, experienced, and in their retirement continue to love each other and to have adventures. And continue to laugh and enjoy. They are truly amazing!

Resilient Spirit continued

Soda fired vase

One of my friends is a very patient soul.  He patiently waits his turn.  He patiently waits for people to call him back.  He patiently waits for things to change.

But what I fear is that he waits for a relationship to become healthy.  He waits for a change in his significant other's demeanor. And he's been waiting a very long time.  And as he waits, his soul is exposed to such negativity.  And now I think he's become accustomed to his circumstance.  He's endured a lot in his life and his soul is resilient.  But I know a relationship isn't something you endure.  It's something you enjoy.

How do I know?  I was there once.  Waiting.  Being patient.  Waiting.  And enduring.

And what's the difference between he and I?  After four years, I got tired of waiting for things to change.  I got tired of not having my own spiritual needs not being met.  I got tired of never having time for my art because my needs were never acknowledged.  I got tired of feeling less than.  I got tired of enduring.  And I just got tired.

My friend is more patient than I am, but at what cost?